Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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