Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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