Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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