Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
