Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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