I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
