oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
