Already got asked if we're dating
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
