u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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