I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
