No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
