I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
