omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
