My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
