you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
