saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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