I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
