Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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