i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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