im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
