I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
