So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize