I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
