He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
