Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
