Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
