i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
