hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
