You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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