I bet he comes in French.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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