I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
