Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hippo gnu deer
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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