she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize