Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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