I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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