Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
