My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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