Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
