What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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