since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize