Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
