how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im holly from the hills drunk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
