i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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