Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
