I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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