So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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