Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
