Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize