My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
