Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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