he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
