About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize