my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
its liver damage thursday
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
