i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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