you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
