explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
