M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize