i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
