Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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