I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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