i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
