he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
