he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
