Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
