I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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