i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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