I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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