As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
