Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
