I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
