So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
