man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
