My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
