Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
